Since I was born, I've been working to be a successful person, probably since I was at school. My parents raised me that I should be excellent in whatever I do. I've embraced this concept my whole life, that concept that success lies in getting A+ in work and in study. You have to burn your ass at work to get it.
For a very long time, I thought that success lies in being always busy, having titles, positions and credit that indicate how much you achieved. I thought that success lies in how often people talk about you, what they say, what impression they have, how many times they call you for help, for training sessions and for being a public speaker in an event.
I thought success is about getting noticed, by everyone around you; being the SUPER STAR of the place, and the center of the attention anywhere you go.
I thought success is about how much money you make, how you dress, how you look, what brand you hold, what car you drive and what places you hang out in.
I lived a very longtime thinking this is the real measure of success, even if I pretended otherwise. Deep down, I think I did. But I guess I wrongly understood the concept my mother and father tried to empower in me. I guess days proved me wrong, and I am glad they did.
I was wrong, and I have no shame of admitting this! because how are you expecting to fix something you see not broken? or may be refuse out of ego to admit it is? Ego always destroys!
I thought by pursuing all of this and by keep telling myself I do this for the sake of a higher purpose for Islam and Allah and the ummah, that I would be fine. I thought that by this I was honest with myself, but I discovered I wasn't. And believe me, nothing is more worse that lying to yourself. You lose your self-respect, and if you did, everything will be worthless.
And I guess I've been lying to myself for a while, or may be wrongly understood or applied what is required.
Lately, I've been blessed by so many opportunities by Allah, and it made me stop and think if I really deserve them. I know other people that may be worthy of those more than I do, I know they are. I am not knowledgeable as they are, I am not making effort as they do, I'm not organized as they are; but still I find Allah sending me those opportunities all over again.
For a whole year, I've been feeling empty, no energy to do any kind of effort. My focus and energy were dissipated, gone, finished. I did absolutely no progress or development in anything. Work, masters, life goals,.. in absolutely nothing. I've experienced the feeling of total failure. No time to learn anything new, no time to read, no time for personal time or development. Or to be more honest, no energy.
My personal life has been a disaster and a complete mess, and it was a real headache that took away all what's left of my energy and focus. but few months ago, I decided I won't stand there and watch myself being destroyed by some people who don't even care.
And that was one hell of a major change!
I didn't imagine how poisoning some people can be to your life, and how getting them out of your life can flip it upside down!
I didn't know how by moving bad poisons from your life, makes everything falls back into place. How it can make you value the real people, make you see clearly the goals of your life and make you appreciate every little thing you have in life.
I didn't realize that going through a very painful life experience that lasted for quite some time would grow me that wise, that strong, and strangely, more ALIVE!
At the moment I'm writing this, I can feel life through my veins, you can laugh at this and tell me I am exaggerating but you can be sure I am not. It feels as if your soul has came out of the dead. Finally, I was awake from this long deep sleep and zombie mode I've been in for more than a year an a half.
I want to experience life!
I want to travel, to go places, to explore the world and explore myself all over again!
I want to meet new people and new friends!
I want to spend time with my family and love them and treat them way they deserve! I want them to be in my life and I want to be in theirs!
I want to learn new things! I want to embrace Learning as a way of life!
I want to teach! I want to touch people's lives by an action, a smile or a word, no matter how small and insignificant it might be.
I want to love and be loved! I want to be someone's priority! and if not for someone, for myself at least!
I want to breathe life! YES, I want to breathe life!
I grew up realizing that real success lies in love and passion about life..
Real success lies in heath, happiness and satisfaction..
Real success lies in healthy relationships with Allah, yourself and with others, and how much you love people and people love you.
Real Success lies in learning and passing the knowledge..
Real success lies in continuous giving not taking..
Real success lies in the smile on a sad face after you helped in a way or another, a word you said, a hug you gave..
Real success lies in appreciation and grace for what you have and not taking it for granted..
Real Success lies in having a life goal no matter how small, a purpose that makes you wake up every morning telling yourself "let's try one more time"..
Real Success lies in your mother's hug and in your father's smile..
Real success in the pride you see in their shining eyes and hear in their passionate voice when they talk about you..
Real Success lies in a heart-to-heart conversation with your brother and cousins that grow you closer to each others.
Real success lies a heartfelt laughter with a dear friend..
Real success lies in the last page of a book you read..
Real Success lies in silence and listening with compassion..
Real Success lies in having food on the table, clothes on your shoulder and a bed to lie on at night..
Real success lies in a peaceful heart having inner peace, feeling satisfied every night before sleep..
I grew up to realize that real success lies in non-materialistic things.. lies in the ability to see and feel beauty around us in everything and in everyone..
I'm not perfect and I won't ever be; but that can't sop me from trying to be better every single day, that can't stop me from waking up each morning saying there is still more to learn, more to do and more to achieve.. There is still more life to LIVE!
But I promise myself this..
I promise to always keep trying..
I promise to try to live each moment to the fullest..
I promise to try to keep Allah always in front of my eyes..
I promise to take care of myself, so I can take care of the world..
I promise myself that the day I stop learning and giving is the day I die..
And most of all, I promise myself to always be ME. I won't take it any other way, and the world won't take it any other way.
Enough with Stereotyping, we need more genuine people around.
I promise myself this and I know the road is long and tough; but I also know that he guided me through it and inspired me to be here and to have such reflections, so I know for sure, he'll never leave me alone. He'll always be by my side guiding, empowering and supporting.
Allahu Al Musta'an
